What is it about the youth of today? Why do none of them understand the art of irony?

We had the local grammar school in residence this month; we were facilitating their performing arts exam, and it was my job to go through house-keeping with them.

Trying to put a bit of a spin on a serious subject by adding one or two ‘dad’ jokes fell flat on its face as the teens looked stony faced at me.

No BGT audition for me then.

Meanwhile, in keeping with the safety aspects of theatre life, we had our staff and volunteer fire extinguisher training.

Now you’d think it was a simple case of ‘take aim, fire’ (no pun intended), but after learning the long trumpet shaped device attached to the extinguisher is called a ‘horn’, I failed to raise mine before pressing down.

All is well then, should I ever find my feet are alight.

And so it begins; I don’t think many saw that coming, but as ever, the Gateway Theatre was ready to do its part for democracy, when we become a polling station on July 4.

I saw the simultaneous government recommendation of having at least three days’ worth of store cupboard ingredients and drinking water in your house, so should the apocalypse happen, you’ll be saved from certain death with your diet of tuna and baked beans, and don’t forget the loo roll (definitely an essential given your diet).

So in conclusion, Election Day is on Independence Day, and the government is advising us to have emergency supplies.

There’s an irony there somewhere, probably too sophisticated for most.